I’m not settled, things are settle, but I am on a plateau. The last month or so has been a lot of moving around, a lot of visits, a lot of “it’s going to get better”. It was good to see my family, it had been too long. But, I had this migraine headache constantly reminding me that I had no path to follow and the uncertainty of tomorrow. Well, many tomorrows have passed and slowly i’m falling into a routine. The headache is gone and I’m slowly just looking forward to the next step, maybe not tomorrow, cause the days blend into one long wait. I’m just walking forward, inclined, putting one foot in front of the other waiting for that chance when I can set my bags down and rest.
Now, I had prepared for this, I knew good things weren’t just going to fall on my lap for me to play with or discard. But, I’m a working man, I need to work, I don’t know how to do anything else. I looked at the first few weeks as the vacation I had not taken in 6 years. After, it’s started getting depressing a little. My wanton need to work ruined any relaxation I tried to achieve. All those things I once used to relax and end my day, have now become a reminder of what I am not doing.
Like I said, in the timeline I imagined I am right on schedule, I just didn’t think it was going to take this toll on my psyche. Luckily, I have supportive friends that will respond to a text or a call when needed. They help pass the time. But something needs to happen soon before I lose my freaking mind.