Sunday, July 31, 2011

You're beautiful just the way you are.

Normalcy, a true statement.

I’m not normal - far from it, I don’t see the same person in the mirror that everyone else does.  Wait, that makes me normal.  Reset.
I’m normal, just like everyone else, the reflection in the mirror is not how I think I look to others.  I’m sure I don’t look as good as I think, maybe not as slim, maybe not as beat, definitely nothing special.  That is the defining thought that makes me just like everyone else, the fact that we see our imperfections before we see the attributes we posses.  Are we inclined to tear ourselves down before we clean the rubble and find pieces we like?  I know I’m guilty of it, of looking at what someone else will see as a negative first.  I have my good days when I leave the house and agree with my mirror that it’s a good day to be me.  But that armor lasts only so long; throughout the day things will chip my defenses and by the time I get home all I’ve got is my long johns on.  What happened to my armor?  My shield?  It was the look in someone’s eye, or the lack of someone’s eyes not catching me.  We hold “beauty” on such a pedestal that each imperfection we see in ourselves only pushes it that much further away.  The worst part of it is that for the most part we do it to ourselves; while others love everything about us we don’t see why they would.  It ruins us internally and we can’t help but project it out.  We make ourselves ugly.  We make ourselves victims and lower our defenses, we make ourselves prey, we open the door to unhappiness, we close the door to the simple fact that, should accept ourselves for who we are, we might have a chance at being happy.
Look at yourself in the mirror. Yes, you could stand to lose a few pounds; no, your hair isn’t perfect; of course if you don’t work at it you’ll never be on the cover of a beauty magazine.  Why would anyone pay me any attention if I can’t even stand to look at myself?  Funny thing is they would.  As horrible as you seem to you, there is someone out there looking past the projection and seeing the real you. Plain as you are is as perfect as you are.  The guy I see in the mirror is pretty normal looking to me but I know I’m not for everyone.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

New Podcast!!

Man, i have not been able to keep up, yes i'm writing but not here.  Damn, i'm an asshole.  No excuse, promise before the week is over i'll have a rant up here, i'm thinking of one as i write.  In the meantime listen to the latest episode of the continuing saga that is Chris & Juan. 

Click HERE for awesomeness.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Jerry's Calendar Update

Well as you can see, i missed a few days.  Apparently it takes a little more than the want to write to keep the chain going.  Apparently work and social activities get in the way sometimes.  Not an excuse for missing days but it has given me a new view into my own habits, this is turning into a interesting project.  Also since i did get the idea from another source i changed the "X's", i mean at least i can try to make it original somewhat.

Though upon looking at the picture again, i can see why "chain" was the key word using X's.  Hmm, might have to rethink my shading technique or just come up with a new word to describe how my writing days are consecutive.  To be continued...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

This one's for the fellas.

Not really, this is for anyone who has a heart, or once thought they had a heart, or have ever had a heart.  A heart they used to turn their imagination into reality, by creating miniature fictional friends and having adventures with them.  Or just for someone who wholeheartedly liked watching tv as a kid.  Yeah this one is for grown as people who watch kids cartoons.

Enjoy here.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

This one's for the ladies.

There are no women left on earth!!! AH!!!!
Exactly how we’d all react, right?  I don’t care who you are or what you think about women.  You say we’d be better off without them but you’re going to want to fuck one sometime, or gonna want them to have babies for you, fuck, at the very least companionship, and how nice are they to look at, huh?  Facts are facts, we need them around.  Yet we refuse to acknowledge it by paying them lower wages, still insist on making them seem as the weaker of the species, AND we persist on making them erotic symbols just so we can shoot them down by calling them sluts.
Look, I like America as much as the next guy; I like the American way of life and I’ve even fought for it.  Plenty of women do it, too. I have a female friend in Iraq right now doing it.  This interesting fact will kind of contradict what my point is, but in the military women and men get paid the same because you are paid for your rank not your person.  Rank you really can’t cheat - man or woman, your sleeve screams your pay grade.  But in the real world, women are for the most part treated as less than.  Less than a man mostly, but still less than, thus encouraging companies to pay them less.  It’s the truth; we all know it or have heard about it.  And it sucks ‘cause as we all know, women can multi-task unlike most men.  But just like they weren’t allowed to vote for a long time after voting was even an idea, they continue until someday they out number us all and we’re their bitches.  Fun fact, I was rooting for Hillary, just saying, I’m welcoming our female leaders and I see our fate.  We’re going to have to battle like gladiators again, in a coliseum of women all yelling for our blood, not our semen…you know… like the coliseums now…right.
Speaking of gladiators, there are plenty of bad-ass women that could kick just about any guy’s ass.  Watch some MMA, learn the hard way that girls are beautiful but just watch ‘em put their hair up and Vaseline on their face.  And don’t get me started on female serial killers - they’re worst, ‘cause of course like idiots we think they’re not capable of it. Girls are weaker, smaller, and entirely too cute for that sort of behavior.  Bullshit!!  Want to know why, ‘cause they can get the closest to us.  Who else do you give your back to in bed (gay men being the exception) or ever?  Who else do we blindly open our mouth for and eat what they put in front of us?  Yeah, now you’re getting the picture.  So what if a girl can’t bench what I do, or lift what I can, last time I checked a gun is not that heavy and neither is a knife.  All I’m saying is treat them as equals ‘cause they’re just as strong as we are when they need to be.
Finally, aren’t they just so much better to look at naked than men? Seriously, I think even girls prefer to see another girl naked instead of a man.  But of course we have to find a way to turn that into a negative, set a double standard for these raving beauties.  So what do we do?  We put her on a pedestal, we worship her beauty, we kiss the ground she walks on, we compliment her body, we make obvious statements that all women should look like her, we split her open, we sell her parts, we criticize her behavior, we shame her, we slap the make-up off their faces, we push her off her pedestal and walk right over her when she ages a week, we discard her and finally we find someone new.  We make them our play things, then make newer nicer ones and we throw the old one away.  Then we still have the gall to make ways to sell them their youth again with a little laceration here and injection there.  Forget about letting her do what she wants too, no, that’s for a man to decide.  A good looking guy goes around hooking up with different women and he’s a stud, a girl does it and she’s a moped.  Yeah everyone gets a ride. 
So next time fellas, men, boys, and politicians, you think you got something to say about women, what they should do with their bodies or how they should live their lives.  Shut your fucking mouths ‘cause you’ll never have to give birth!!!!
No women left on earth? HA!!!  They’ll outlive us all.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Third time's the charm.

Nothing is off limits, we hit all the hard questions.  Like, why is Justin Bieber still around and how long before he destroys Juan's beloved Back to the Future?  Just a sample of what to look forward to.

Enjoy here.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Jerry's Calendar

My buddy sent me this article and, at the risk of seeming unoriginal, I will give it a try.  To keep to it, every week I will post a picture of what my progress is.  For those who didn’t click the link let me summarize.  Jerry Seinfeld gave a young comic advice on how to be a better comic.  Comic, you may ask?  Yes, for that person, but really it’s for anyone who wants to improve their art.  For him it was writing, Jerry is a writer before he’s a comic.  His secret to productivity is basic - write every day.  Easy you think, right?  Well, think about it, do you really practice your art every day?  His technique to follow up on that was having a large calendar on which he marked everyday that he wrote something.  

"After a few days you'll have a chain. Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You'll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job next is to not break the chain." 
That way when the day comes and you need something to present you’ll have plenty of stuff you can go back to as opposed to trying to write it all in one night.  Simple, yet brilliant.  So starting today, with this posting, I am starting my chain.  I’ll keep you guys posted with my weekly entry.

 (Well i started Monday, just so that the calendar would have something in it.)

Monday, July 11, 2011

Oh LA, you dirty girl.

Oh, LA, you sexy vixen, with your curves and hilltops.  Meet me at a nice motel, let me ravage you if only for a weekend, let me feel you under me as I thrust through your tunnel.  For such a manly city I still treat her like a lady, take her out to the finest restaurants, yet still she hungers for the taco vendors on random corners.  She’ll make me go out of my way, into iffy neighborhoods, to get the right one.  Man, are they worth it, though.  She spruces herself up a bit from time to time, too.  In the last 3 years she sure has upped her game; nice, clean streets almost looking like sheets ready for me to rumple up.  Nice, tall buildings like legs I want to get in between.  Taking old looks and turning them into new, more expensive ensembles, but still keeping some things the same.  Driving down her streets is like sliding my fingers up and down her arms and legs to get to all the good parts.  I drive with the windows down so I can take in her scent.  I drive and I drive and never seem to get lost, there is a place for me anywhere on her.  Even as I take flight and leave her body I still see her eyes at night twinkling at me, not saying goodbye, but definitely letting me know next time she’s not letting me go.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

We're at it again!!

Listen to the latest ramblings of two grown ass men talking about comics.

Listen here

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


Just got back from LA, had a blast, wanted to give some quick shout out's before doing an official blog of my trip.

Big ups to everyone who came, a man doesn't know his worth until he sees all the treasures already around him.  Thank you everyone.

First and foremost, the saint, Alcinia.  For being the first one up every morning and the last one to go to sleep.  For housing 7 drunks for a three day weekend, 3 of which were offsprings.

My brother Jaime for making the trip down from Vegas, thank you, sorry i wouldn't sit on your lap, it was just weird the way you asked.  But you got me eventually, too bad you weren't ready with the camera.

To the birthday boy, Sam, you're old, good luck, it's all downhill from here. Keep on trucking.

Alex, what can i say, what are you hiding under your shirt sleeves, tree trunks?  Jesus!  You're going to have to start selling tickets for the gun show soon.

To Jose and Andy, you guys rock!! So good seeing you guys, Andy sorry you couldn't enjoy the festivities so much cause of work, but my visit would have been a waste if we hadn't been able to hang out.  Special hello to Chris Lopez, pleasure meeting you sir, thanks for the impromptu live karaoke, you made the night, and if i could spell your awesome girls name it would be here too.  She was a delight, good luck in Russia.

Edwin and Beatriz what are you feeding Adam, he is so big and god damn if he doesn't look like his dad.  Dude you came through with your tacos man, that was some funny as shit.  Thank you for being there for me, you are truly the best friend a man could have.

To my beautiful hags, god you guys make a man want give up his job and pack his bags.  You two are the sweetest, nicest people anyone can call a friend.  Thank you. (Hey Travis, you're not one of my hags, but i couldn't give you you're own line, we're not there yet, take care of her or i will find you and you know i don't give a damn about bleeding)

Izzy for leaving the house twice and combing your hair just the way you knew i'd like it, thanks brother.  Enjoy the copy of the book that's in your house, cause you know it really belongs to you anyway, let's just let her think it's hers.

To the Ortez clan, it was so good seeing you guys, and the army of kids, jesus!  Seriously though, they have grown up so much, wow.  Special hello to Judy, you're hi-larious girl, it was so good talking to you.

Chino and Ivan, que gusto verlos cabrones, no se vuelvan a desaparecer.  MARCADORES! MARCADORES!

Lil G!! My brother from another mother, so good to see you.  Skinny jeans aside, you definitely are the better looking bear between the both of us.  I miss you brother and can't wait to hear the new album, remember songs 2 and 3 are going to be your hits man.  SUCKER FOR PUMPS!!!

Ay Miguel, que onda voz!! No dormis cabron.  Roberto tampoco.

Frank and Patty, the best looking couple at the party, jesus you made us in shorts look bad.  Good seeing you bro.

Joe, you crazy mother!! But you rocked out on Hotel California, good seeing you, thanks for coming both nights.

To our boy Jason, what can I say man, shit happens and I'm sorry it happened to you. But hey we'll be talking about you for decades bro, that shit was unreal. You'll always be welcomed at my house or anywhere I am.

To the great city of LA, my how you've changed...

P.S. If i forgot anyone, you probably know why!

Friday, July 1, 2011

New pod.

Listen to Juan teach me how to write a comic and then encourage me to give up and not try.

Side note:  We're still looking for a title, all suggestions are welcomed.