Thursday, September 20, 2012

Holy shit, you can talk.

The question came out so innocently but i didnt know it was going to end up here.  My co-worker and i were talking, we're both dog owners, and i asked him "if you found out your dog could talk, what would be the first question you'd ask him?".  We discussed a little and then i started asking others.  In the end i decided i would ask 20 people just to see the random responses.  There were some similar ones that i'm going to discuss as a whole.  

So, what do you think?
What are you thinking?
What's it like, living the good life?

How do you see it from your eyes, are we on the same level?  I liked these cause our initial reaction is to try and see how we can experience the world in a different way.  Get that perspective of someone so different.  I'd definitely have these questions after my initial one, which i'll leave for last.

We getting along ok?
Are you happy?
Am i a good owner?

The best part about these is that most of them came from non dog owners.  Which is kinda sweet when you think about it.  But, all the answer show that people, for the most part, are good and know they are responsible for this creature.  That, or i know some really nice people and really, that makes me the lucky one.
These little guys provide such amazing companionship that it makes sense that we'd like to know we're doing right by them.

Why do you bark at other dogs?
Why do you like the smell of shit?
How does it feel like to be a dog?
Why do you lick your penis so much?
What does dog ass smell like (to you)?

This next batch of answers all are asking the dog about itself.  Which makes sense, before we shoot down a person's way of life, we should at least know why they do it.  Here we want to learn about them.  Yes you bark for hours, but why?  Obviously it's not for conversation, cause you dont give each other a chance to reply.  Is your intellect beyond us?  It's also common to see that a dog's sense of smell is an obvious curiosity to us.  When my buddy sent in the last one, my initial reaction was "go smell it yourself and find out".  But after a little back and forth, he meant what i added in parenthesis.  Again, we're just trying to learn.

What took you so long?
How come you can talk?
How fucking long have you been able to talk and who have you been talking to?
Why haven't you said anything before?

Here the answers took an almost aggressive approach, we've gone past curiosity and practically into paranoia.  It makes sense for us to be weary of the unknown and what we're used to.  We've seen enough movies, we all remember Krypto (do we?), we want things explained to us so that we can better understand them.  They've never talked before, why now, are they carrying a message, are we doomed!?

The following answers were by far the most thought provoking, funny or just stood out.

Who's my good boy?

This one cracks me up to no end cause i'm a big fan of the Family Guy, it's one of my favorite scenes when for a brief second we're reminded that Brian is just a dog who can talk.  Love it.

Do you know where i left my ____?

He might know.  Shit, he might have hidden it.  Never thought about this before, but, he does have access to information you might not.  I thought it was an interesting one, though, i still think you'd have to get past the "you can talk" reaction.

Can i trust you?

Very sweet, yet, almost threatening.  You have to remember that this dog knows everything about you, he's been laying under your desk by your feet for years, he's heard everything, seen everything.  So, can i trust you?  Are you down to ride? I liked this one cause i never thought about that.

Sup, what's the weirdest thing you've seen me do?

I like it cause it's funny, but deeper than that, you're asking it if you can explain something that it might not have understood.  Or, maybe i'm looking in to it too deep.  Maybe he's just making sure they're both on the same page when it comes to their relationship.

So, can other animals talk?

Right! If you can talk, do squirrels talk to?  This one raises questions about the animal kingdom in general.

Finally, my answer

Am i your best friend?

Our entire lives we've been led to believe they are man's best friend, but, are we theirs?  Does he see us that way?  Is being a different species a deal breaker?  Just saying.


  1. This right here has the makings of a best selling kids book or something. It could tug at the heartstrings of dog owners everywhere if written right. I'm telling you, stop working on zombie stuff and comics and develop this idea right here. You might not make a million off of it but I swear it'll be a mainstream hit.

  2. Thanks for the input, i had not thought about it at all, but now the idea is in my head. Gonna see what develops. Thanks again.