Monday, March 5, 2012

When i write

               When I write I need a silent space to do it in.  Well, an isolated space I should say because I also need loud music blaring through speakers drowning out all sound so that my thoughts have nowhere to go but on the paper.  I need to concentrate but I also need a battle plan with many missions so that like a spy the words will infiltrate my headquarters, plant their bomb and eventually make their presence known.
               When I write I also need no interruptions.  Well, I also need some movie playing or to be honest porn somewhere in the background.  I feel that if I concentrate too hard the writing will suffer, I need to be distracted so that what I write is what I mean to write not what I force out.  It’s the purest way I’ve found to express my intention and not what others want to read.  I figure this is one way to find a true following, cause if they’re following all this they’ll follow me anywhere I go with it.
               When I write I need alcohol.  Well, I need alcohol every day.  In writing it does help lube up my hand, making the pen slippery and allowing some words and sentences to appear on the paper that normally might not have been allowed to.  As honest as I’d like to be I always hold back a certain percentage for security reasons, personal or sometimes simply because I fear how the words will be received.
               I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a bit crazy, anyone who walks into my office will first hear my problem, then see my problem and when I smile will know there is no one here to make sense of it all.  There isn’t, I’m just a conductor for these words, a crazy conductor who is in it for the ride more than the race.  It’s the only vehicle I know how to navigate, within it I can make sense of all the knobs, gears and buttons.  I’ve been driving it so long it’s the only vehicle I know. 

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