Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Sometimes it's just that simple

There are a few things i've never expected from myself: I've never expected to have to sit in front of a computer, behind a desk to make my living; I've never expected an easy day at work; I've never expected for my body to give out on me; I've never expected someone to do something I myself was unwilling to do; I've never expected to lead others with just words; never imagined living past 70; never expect to win the lottery; and never expected to ever stop needing things.
But there are days when I have had my morale beaten, trampled and felt the thumb of an unknown giant pressing down on my back as I walked on torn boots being held together by sheer will.  Yesterday was one of those days.  A day when I missed the 8 hour mark, the 10 hour mark and around the 12th hour at work I realized that this was not how a Monday was supposed to be.  I hit a wall, a large poured cement wall that hurt my hand more than it made a sound as I pounded on it for an explanation.  Then there was a moment of enlightenment, epiphany even, I remembered that I never expect to be home until the work is done.  It's masochistic almost that at that moment I felt a huge relief, I've never accepted a job I did not intend to finish.  An hour later I was in my car pulling out of the parking lot and heading home.
I won't lie about it, I was not happy driving home, I was mad at an unseen force that no matter how hard I work it always seems to have a little more for me to do, I've never expected to have a pass on hardship.  That drive home was too short it seemed, I've always been fond of driving at night when there is little or no traffic, it feels great to have the windows down and have a refreshing breeze wake you up from a funk like that.  But all I could think about was the hour and a half I had to get to sleep so I could do it all over again the next day. I've never expected to sleep so comfortably that i didnt want to get up.
I walked into my house, grabbed a few beers and checked the mail.  There was a large package waiting for me.  My eyes actually lit up for a minute, it was a weird sensation to catch yourself forgetting about what was bothering you for a single moment.  The best part really was that I had forgotten about having ordered this item, so finding it there after such a long and tiresome day really centered me.  It was The Black Keys new album "El Camino" on vinyl, if you know me a little, you know I love music, I've never stopped believing.  
I grabbed a few more beers, placed the needle down a centimeter away from the first track and for a second, maybe two, heard the familiar static of a record as I backed up against the nearest wall and slowly slid down to the floor while the intro kicked my overwhelming day right out of my body.  Half way through "Lonely Boy" I was ok again, my dog came to comfort me too, he pushed his face into my chest, with one simple sigh he let me know he understood that today was about me and that I didn't need to chase him around the house like we do all the other days. I've never expected it to be anything other than this.

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