Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Cool Hand Jackie

They say “don’t judge a book by its cover” and for the most part it’s true, but goddamn you movies!!!  So, it’s zero-dark-thirty and I’m flipping through NETFLIX yet again trying to find something to watch that A:  I wouldn’t normally watch and B:  Has to be some sort of exploitation.  ‘Cause one thing NETFLIX is good for is the really out there stuff that they have rights to.  So I’m flipping, flipping and flipping.  Then I see Jackie Chan on the cover of a movie called “The Prisoner” and I thought “I haven’t seen Jackie in his prime in a while” and I press play.
Let’s get something straight, though: I’ve been known for watching bad movies and for liking bad movies.  Jackie’s movies aren’t bad per se, but you do have to have a taste for his kind of movie. That being said, don’t lie to me about a movie with your cover.  This movie has Jackie on the cover for really no apparent reason; at best you can say Jackie has an extended cameo.  So why put him on the cover, huh? Seriously, I mean you could have sold me with Sammo Hung, he’s not a bad actor.  Now, if you are going to already lie to me with the cover, why not call the movie at least what it is, a mish mash of American prison movies put together.  I mean it was practically a Chinese fan movie about American prison movies.  There are at least 2 scenes that are almost shot for shot recreations of “Cool Hand Luke” - come on, Jackie!!  I blame you ‘cause I’m sure you’re aware that they use you on the cover.

In conclusion, no, I did not finish watching the movie.  I was angry and wasn’t going to take it anymore.  It wasn’t a terrible movie from what I saw, but the lies, oh the lies.  Why-won’t-anyone-think-of-the-children lies.  I just could not get over them.  But, hey, you take the good with the bad, I guess.  Just saying.

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