Monday, June 27, 2011

Choose your own adventure.

Choose your own adventure and follow me.  We’re in pursuit of a villain; he has stolen a beautiful woman from a small village.  Why do we care?  The town is paying big money for her return.  Why should we reconsider?  This dude took out half the village with his control over fire.  How can the town afford to pay us?  I don’t know but it’ll probably not end well when they show their power and betray us.  But I’m already working on a plan for when that time comes.  Oh, by the way, his castle floats in the sky under a bed of molten lava surrounded by a moat of fire.  He’s in no hurry to hurt the girl and since I demanded we get paid up front we’ll have a few nights off to spend half our salary in case this adventure goes sour.  Why are we still taking it considering the town is obviously not telling us something and some of us might not make it back?  Because this is what we do, it’s what we get paid for, and gentlemen and lady we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Let’s talk about gear now.  I’m going to trust my sword and shield that has saved me against dragons and magicians.  I’m going to need a really big guy with a really heavy blunt object that he can carry and use with ease.  I need a female that can handle a bow with bull’s-eye precision and eagle sight.  Finally, we’re going to need an individual with great intelligence and understanding of mythical forces that can also wield a weapon. 

So, here’s the plan: we’re obviously going to have to find a way into that castle.  Plenty of people go in and out of it, apparently, so we’re going to just have to recon it until we find that way in.  My bow woman will then disable the guards from a safe distance.  We will then infiltrate the castle, we won’t have too much time so let’s be quick about it.  Two hordes of troops will come out, the ones trying to kill us and the ones protecting where their leader will be.  Bow woman, find some high ground at this point and help the big guy and I by diminishing the numbers as much as possible.  Magic man, use this time of confusion and hide in the shadows until you find your opening.  That castle doesn’t stay up in the air ‘cause it wants to, no sir, find out how and disable it.  Don’t worry about time, I imagine it will take you the same amount to do that as it will for the big guy and I to defeat the villain, rescue the girl, and get out of the castle.  As for how you’ll get out, I don’t know about magic so I won’t ask.

I’m pretty sure each of us will end up facing an opponent.  Bow woman, keep an eye on the roofs and towers, your opponent will either find you from there and try to sneak up on you or try to take you out from a distance.  Big guy, I can only imagine that your opponent will either be the masses of troops or an immovable object that will require all of your strength.  Magic man, there will be a wizard waiting for you in the gallows of the castle or a wizard will show up at the most inopportune moment as you’re trying to make that castle drop.  I, of course, will have the villain himself, where I’ll most likely be wounded pretty badly but as long as I rely on my sword, I will be the victor. 

When we make our escape let’s be mindful that the lady will be our priority, so please be chivalrous towards her.  She will exit first with bow woman taking out any stragglers that might try to stop us.  I will follow to make sure the outside is ready for us, big guy behind me in case we do have anything waiting for us, bow woman last because honestly no one will even be looking for you.  Once outside I imagine we’ll see the castle begin to blow up from the bottom up and either we’ll see magic man hover to safety or some amazing leap of faith where big guy will save him at the last second. 

There might be a last minute rise from the villain where we’ll have to work together to deal a death blow or just a strong show of force that will disappear with the castle.  We’ll then look for some high ground and camp out for the night.  In the morning we’ll head to a predetermined town nearby where we will pass the lady over to a hired group of up-and-coming adventurers to transfer her back to her village.  We’ll keep a safe distant from them as they make their way to return her.  If we can help them when they return we will, but let’s be honest, we’re taking these precautions for a reason.  After it’s all over we return to our normal lives and wait for the next adventure to come.

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