Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Renter's Cut

Ring! Ring! Ring!

lex

Hello.

das

Lex, you going to be home later I want to drop off “HEAT”?

lex

Oh, how was it?  What did you think?

das

It was good.

lex

What did you think of the ending?

das

It was good.

lex

Way better than the original ending right?

das

Original ending?

(perplexed)

What do you mean original ending?

lex

Where DeNiro dies.

Das

DeNiro dies at the end?

(even more perplexed)

Lex

Wait, you hadn’t see the movie before?

Das

No jackass.  That’s why I asked to borrow it.

Lex

Oh.

(realizing something)

Das

What do you mean oh?

Lex

You liked it didn’t you?

Das

That’s not the point. I could have looked like an idiot talking out it.

Lex

There is that possibility, but seriously whoever comes to you with movie talk besides me.  Did you like the ending of not?

Das

It doesn’t matter, that’s beside the point.

(almost angrily, then accepting)

How did you do it anyway? I didn’t even notice.  And what does happen at the end?

Lex

It’s easy really, just put 2 VCR’s together and voila! New ending.  Besides all you missed was DeNiro getting shot by Pacino.  They have some words, they shake hands, DeNiro dies, credits.  It was lame.

Das

DeNiro dies!

Lex

Which is cool, but they just did it wrong.  Why bother watching that.

Das

But you can’t just change endings.

Lex

Why not?

Das

Well I’m sure it’s illegal to begin with.  Secondly, it’s a dick move for those of us who haven’t seen it.

Lex

You haven’t even noticed and you’ve been ok.

DAS

Wait, you already did this to me?

LEX

Maybe.

(sheepishly)

DAS

What movies don’t I know the real ending to?

LEX

I can’t remember off the top of my head.

DAS

Bullshit!

LEX

Well there are a few I’m proud of.

DAS

Which one’s did I see?

LEX

Did I loan you The Departed?

DAS

Yes.

LEX

Hmm.

(pause)

Shawshank Redemption?

DAS

Yeah.

LEX

Sixth Sense?

DAS

No, that one got spoiled for me.

LEX

Lost in Translation?

DAS

(nods)

What happened at the end of that one?

LEX

Did you like it?

DAS

Yes.

LEX

Then why does it matter?

DAS

Cause it’s not the real movie.

LEX

If you don’t like it then get a fucking DVD player leave me and my movies alone.  Cheap ass.

DAS

Hey, no need for the personal attacks, a needs to live within his means alright. Are you home or not?

LEX

Yeah.

(pause)

So I just got True Grit…

 

 

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